


good for it

by nomadicdeer (someonestolemycoffee)



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: anyway matt hugs make everything better, i know it's going to read like it's andreil but i s w e a r it's not, i stole the freshies from nora's content/the lessons series, kinda like a cat, neil is not great with loud sudden noise, sue me okay i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 17:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11718696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonestolemycoffee/pseuds/nomadicdeer
Summary: As he gets comfortable in his now permanent life, Neil is learning that it's okay to not be okay.In other news, Neil Josten is only slightly afraid of thunder.





	good for it

**Author's Note:**

> this is for the [tfc net](http://tfc-net.tumblr.com) creation brotp week thing and this is shitty and ooc but neil deserves some love and yeah
> 
> this is super close to my it's always yes thing i suck and don't generate original content ever

Winter break was coming up fast, with Kevin dragging everyone through early practices and Matt dragging them through breakfast at the diner afterwards. It was also the day before semester finals and, while he had never been one to worry much about academics, Neil was stressing. He kept going over charts of Spanish conjugations and kings throughout European history in his head.

“Snap out of it,” Andrew muttered. Neil guessed he could practically see the steam pouring from his ears. He scrubbed at his eyes, going back to picking at his waffles.

Rain thundered outside. For now, with the clamoring of the diner and his teammates, he didn’t notice and didn’t care.

Kevin was drinking his smoothie and ranting on about how unhealthy everyone was. Matt was sitting across from him in their corner booth, the freshmen at a separate table. Whenever Neil got stressed like this, Matt made sure to stay close by.

“Kevin, let me enjoy my life,” Nicky whined, making grabby hands at the syrup that Kevin had slid away from him. Aaron, probably just to spite their tyrant, reached around to slide the syrup back. Nicky grinned wide and claimed that he owed Aaron his life.

Neil wasn’t even hungry. He slid his plate away and pulled his feet onto the booth so he was sitting cross-legged, bumping into Andrew’s thigh. He slid down to allow space between them if he wanted it.

“You’re quiet,” Andrew muttered in clumsy Russian. They had only just started learning. Neil just shrugged in response. In the frail cracks between chatter, he could hear pounding rain hitting the sidewalk.

They finished breakfast, the rain had stopped, and Kevin declared there would be another practice after the gym, at which several teammates groaned. One of the freshmen, Neil didn’t look to see who, grumbled something about obeying the Queen.

“Some of us need to study,” Allison insisted. “I’m not sticking around another year, count me out.” They started walking towards the door as a herd.

Kevin huffed. “I need freshmen, Andrew, Neil, and Dan at least.”

“Oh yeah, because Andrew is the one who needs work,” Nicky snarked, stepping into the parking lot. “Give them a break, Kev.”

“We’re going on break soon. I doubt many of you will spend it practicing?”

“We don’t all have our sticks and heads shoved up our asses,” Lizzy mused, walking past. She was the most tolerable freshman, Neil found. He felt bad that she was stuck with those poor excuses for peers. It didn’t hurt that she wasn’t afraid to dig at Kevin a little.

He started fuming, but for once in his life, Kevin Day kept his mouth shut off camera. Neil wasn’t sure what it was that made him hold back, but he wanted it to happen more often.

They went back to the tower first. They had a gym workout at eleven, lunch break, and some unlucky few had another practice at one. Neil was even going to go--that is, until he lost his concentration.

The moment was vivid and cheesy and absolutely stupid. Neil was running on the treadmill, minding his business, when he saw Andrew walk past and got distracted. He slowed for half a second and went flying back into the wall.

Matt was the first to him, already on the treadmill beside him, while someone followed behind and shut off his machine. He could move fine, didn’t hit his head or hurt his ribs, but his ankle was sore. It was enough to raise concern and Andrew tried to poke at it while Nicky phoned Abby, who was thankfully only a building away at the time. When she got there, she had confirmed that he overstretched his ankle, not rolled or sprained it, and bruised up his shin pretty good. She declared that he was benched for the day. 

“We have to practice,” Kevin protested.

“Keep practicing with him like this and he’ll be benched for the season, you hear me?” Abby said, raising a challenging eyebrow.

He shut up pretty quickly. An amazing day.

The freshmen, Dan, and Kevin were ready to leave for practice after lunch at the Tower. Andrew seemed uninterested and Kevin stared at Neil for a while.

“What?”

“Get him to come with us.”

Neil glared at Kevin, keeping his ankle iced like Abby told him to. He was working on following her instructions more often, now that his life hinged on his career. “Stop pimping me out to Andrew, just because he won’t take the bait when you get on your knees.”

Kevin made a disgusted face and looked to Andrew. “We need to practice.”

He made no motion to indicate he heard. Neil leaned in close. Kevin was the only one in the room with them, so he said in German, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t care,” Andrew responded in the same tongue. Apathy, not anger.

He leaned a bit closer. “I can make it worth your while.”

“Didn’t you just tell Kevin to stop pimping you out?”

Neil shrugged. “I’m pimping myself out.” He lowered from the couch, being careful of his ankle, and sat on the floor beside Andrew’s beanbag.

He was definitely trying to sound disinterested, but his tone gave him away. “And how would you make it worth my while, Josten?”

Neil could feel a grin spreading across his face, doing his best to repress it. “Any way you want.”

Andrew stood and walked to the door without another word. Kevin and Neil watched him slam it shut behind him and Kevin looked back to Neil.

“What did you say to him?”

“Nothing of concern,” Neil said, hoisting himself back up onto the couch to ice his ankle. Kevin, shaking his head, followed after and shut the door much more gently than Andrew had.

Soon after, the sky had opened up again over PSU. Thunder crashed out the window and Neil did his best not to flinch. With Andrew gone, he was out of distraction. He was alone, there was no one to protect himself from, but he flinched even harder when a knock came to the door.

“Neil? It’s Matt.”

“Open,” he called back. Matt opened the door and ducked in, shutting it carefully. “What’s up?” he asked, trying to seem unaffected, as Matt walked past and leaned on the back of the couch.

“Nothing. Wanna play GTA?”

He wasn’t sure what Matt knew or what his game was, but he knew that a loud video game would be better than the storm outside.

Neil couldn’t explain when he started flinching every time he heard sudden and unexpected sounds. It wasn’t a fear, but it was childish in his head. He had narrowed it down to the unease he felt from sharp noise and wouldn’t admit to himself that he felt threatened. It wasn’t new, but it made him uneasy to realize it in the past year, once he was safe and loved and home.

He could walk on his ankle just fine, no matter how passionately Matt wanted to help him. They went to his room, and it seemed like they were the only ones still on the floor.

“The girls get guilt tripped into practice?” Neil asked.

“No. Renee went because she knew Andrew probably wouldn’t do anything. Allison needed a new dress because one got ruined in the wash and Nicky went with because he needed jeans or something. Aaron is obviously with his lady love.”

Neil snorted as he collapsed on the couch, setting himself up with the ice again. “You keep up with all their lives so closely?”

“Nope, but Dan does.”

He huffed out a fond breath, definitely not smiling as Matt handed him a remote. “You really love her, don’t you?”

Matt’s smile was wider, prouder, as he booted up the system. “Yeah. I know I want to marry her someday.”

“So why not do it now?”

Matt stared at him like he was crazy as he loaded the game in. “We’re still in college. It’s no time to pop the question.”

Neil just shrugged until Matt sat beside him and started the game. “She’s graduating soon and you’re only a year behind. I don’t see why you can’t.” Dread sunk into his stomach every time he thought about any of his foxes graduating, but especially the girls.

“I’ll wait until we’re both out,” Matt insisted.

Neil shrugged and went about the game.

In the midst of shooting people and meeting prostitutes, Matt asked, “Do you think you would want to marry Andrew?”

Neil rolled his eyes. He was sure they didn’t seem like that kind of couple to the outside world.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” Matt said, nudging him. Then, in a softer tone, “I’m being serious. Would you?”

Neil thought for a moment. They still weren’t so comfortable as he hoped to be one day, but that day was too far off. Still, he felt good in the quiet moments in Columbia, making coffee and toasting bagels, surrounded by lazy kisses and the smell of cigarettes. He was sure they would only get married so Andrew didn’t have to sneak past security every time he was landed in the hospital, but still. They could.

“If we did, and that’s a big _if_ , it wouldn’t be anything big.”

Matt groaned. “C’mon, Neil. The question was if you wanted to marry him, not how it would go down.”

Despite his and Andrew’s strict confidentiality, he felt like he could tell Matt this. “It wouldn’t make a difference but, someday. Some very far off day.” He ignored Matt’s sharp breath and the small, excited noise in the back of his throat. 

“Can I be there at least?” Matt asked. Neil was refusing to take his eyes off the screen, but he could hear the smile in his voice.

“You can be my best man,” Neil said. It was only half a joke, because he would pick Matt.

“Can I make a speech?” There was a teasing lilt to his voice.

“Sure, on one condition. If Andrew punched you for it, you wouldn’t be allowed to fight back. You’d absolutely deserve it.”

Matt shrugged. “Could I do the father-daughter dance with you?”

Something on the screen blew up, in time with the thunder that crashed outside. “You’re forgetting, there would definitely not be a ceremony,” Neil said. “And I wouldn’t dance with you in a town hall building.”

“I’d set up a dance hall on the court,” he said. Moments later, a flash of lightning out the window made him tense. The following thunder shook the walls and brought with it a shudder that was harder to hide. The power went out.

Matt looked around, as if checking that everything was really off. He glared at the offending television screen and put the remote down. He looked over to Neil before he could conceal his shiver. Rain beat harder on the window and he leaned away from it, trying to be subtle and apparently failing.

“Cold?” Matt asked. In an act of suppression, Neil nodded. He was tired from the stress of exams, the team, watching over the freshmen--though he felt confident that he had provided as much drama on his own as six freshmen did altogether--and suddenly everything was setting him off. Even if the video game had been loud, at least it was one source rather than the rain outside, the thunder, the shifting of fabric as they moved, the creaking of the floors.

A blanket from the chair beside them was draped over his shoulders. He looked up to thank him, but Matt was already walking around the couch to sit beside him, taking some for himself.

“Cool?” Matt asked. It was a more casual _yes or no_ , one they hadn’t established. Neil had guessed early on in their friendship that Matt didn’t usually ask for casual touches, but that was because he had never really needed to. Slowly, he was learning to ask. Later on, years down the road, Matt would tell him that he saw Neil was the _yes_ type, but he needed warning. Neil would tell him that he’s not far off.

Now, Neil nodded but was still surprised as Matt wrapped his arms around him and cuddled the blanket closer to them both. Neil had enough mobility to sling his legs over Matt’s lap and bury his head between the back of the couch and Matt. Folds of blanket fell around him, muffling the sounds of the storm.

Neil wasn’t afraid of thunder or anything of the sort. He sometimes became more fragile, in these times where he felt more comfortable in his own skin and with his family. In these times, everything got to him. It was like he had never learned to block it out without being on the defense. He found himself vulnerable and hated every second of it, but Matt’s hugs told him it was okay. The arms around his shoulders were strong and warm and protected him from the offensive sounds and vibrating walls with every crash of thunder, letting him get used to it in small doses.

And he did. Neil didn’t mind it once he had time to let his barriers down and relax; that was something he had learned during the summer, when storms in the south came every day. It was always too much, the constant barrage of sound, but he could put something between him and it and be a little more okay. In this instance, Matt protected him so Neil didn’t have to protect himself.

“Thank you, Matt,” Neil said, practically talking into his chest. He couldn’t figure out how to properly express his gratitude.

Matt looked down, probably only seeing the top of his head. “For?”

“This.”

A small laugh shook his chest but didn’t escape. “Don’t thank me. I told you at the beginning of your freshman year that I’m good for it. Nothing’s changed.”

“Still.” He was overtired. He wouldn’t be so clingy if he wasn’t. “Clingy” being a relative term, his head on Matt and an arm around his shoulders, otherwise disconnected. In the ambience, he could feel himself nodding off, his brain waking up again when he heard a stampede of footsteps up the stairs.

“I think practice is called off,” Matt said. They could already hear Kevin complaining in the hallway.

Neil scooted away from him and shed the blanket, standing and stretching.

“Why do you run from me,” Matt asked dramatically, reaching out to Neil.

He rolled his eyes. “On a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to raise freshmen suspicion when they barge in here because you have alcohol and they had to deal with Kevin?”

He seemed to consider it for a moment. “Ten, but I also don’t want Andrew to beat me up.”

Neil shook his head, taking Matt’s hand and narrowly avoiding a reflexive squealed laugh when he was pulled close and sat squarely on his lap. Matt wrapped the blanket around them and let Neil get comfortable before he followed suit, his head on Neil’s chest. It was a comforting weight that he didn’t expect to like. He told himself that he just wanted to fuck with the freshmen.

There were two sharp knocks on the door before Lizzy, Colby, and Brooke walked in. The girls went right for the kitchenette but Colby peeked curiously over to them.

“Something we’re keeping from Dan, yes?” he asked, seeing Matt look up with his mess of hair, grinning. His hand was shoved into Neil’s curls and they were a tangle of limbs hidden in the blanket. The way Neil was clinging to Matt’s shoulders, it was easy to think they were up to something.

“I like this kid, he knows how to keep his mouth shut,” Neil told Matt. He turned to Colby next. “Trust me, Dan knows.”

“In fact, she encourages that Neil gets lots of hugs,” Matt said, sitting up a little and tickling his stomach. Even though a shirt and sweatshirt, he felt it. He just grimaced and pushed Matt away, still being ever careful of his ankle.

Andrew walked in through the still open door. “Day is drinking the last of my vodka,” he said, looking pointedly at Neil and not minding the viable cuddle session happening on the couch.

“So get more?” Neil suggested. “You can even use your real ID now. Steal money from him.”

“What makes that vodka so special?” Colby asked, taking a seat on the arm of the big chair, comfortable now that he wasn’t the only other person in the room. He knew to fear Andrew but probably figured he was safe with the two men between them.

Neil answered for him, still held tight by Matt, who was using him as a body pillow. “It’s chocolate cake vodka. We’ve only been able to find it at this one place in Columbia. None of the liquor stores around here have it.”

“And Day has a death wish,” Andrew mumbled, turning and walking out.

“Oh my god,” Matt said, his voice flat but a smile on his face. He looked at Neil. “Oh my god, he didn’t say anything.”

“Why would he?” Colby asked. Neil could hear the girls arguing in the kitchen about whether they wanted Jack or Malibu. 

“This kid can keep his mouth shut, right?” Neil muttered to Matt. He shrugged and nodded.

“Wait, are you and Andrew--”

“Observant, too,” Neil whispered. Matt snorted out a laugh and buried his face into Neil’s torso. His laughs were always the kind that shook his whole body. Neil turned to Colby as Matt tried to stop laughing at the situation. “Andrew and I are specifically nothing. He’ll punch you if you ask.”

Colby shrugged. “Seems in-character for him.” He saw the girls coming out of the kitchen and wander to the door, standing up to follow. “Brian is waiting for us. So, to recap,” he gestured to them, “Dan knows and doesn’t care, and Andrew specifically doesn’t have a reason to care?”

“Well, he does care, but not about Matt.”

“Because?”

Neil shrugged and Matt turned his head to the side, cheek mashed against Neil’s ribs. “Because Neil and I are best bros and nothing can tear us apart.”

Colby nodded solemnly, like it all made perfect sense. “Well, bye. I’m gonna get shitfaced.”

“Have fun,” Matt called as Colby walked out, shutting the door behind himself and the girls.

The silence left behind in the dorm was comforting and still. In the dark, lightning seemed brighter and more brilliant.

“Did you want to go back to Andrew?” Matt asked. “Since he’s back from practice now?” There was some fragility in his voice, but Neil didn’t think anything of it until later.

He shook his head. “Unless you want me to?”

The tighter grip around his torso was telling enough and Neil shoved away his smile and the softness of his heart. He really needed to work on that.

**Author's Note:**

> hi you can also follow my tfc acc on the [hellsite](http://andrevvjminiyard.tumblr.com)


End file.
